Virtual intern wanted for 5 years, maybe longer. £1500/month.
Written by David Whiteduckrabbit and every other right thinking UberCorp have decided to pool together to demand the services of a young, maybe ugly, peckish new virtual intern. This position is for all our affiliated titles. (See links, right) 5 years minimum term. Renumeration included to us.
To get around any pesky labour laws that may exist in certain undeveloped parts of the world we have decided that this is to be a virtual position. You may not exist. New year, new ways of working – for you, not us.
The applicant must be an expert in photography, across all platforms, and on all devices. Intelligence needed, but not just yet. Experience in 20×24″ polaroid an advantage, as that will be your accommodation. Must be able to lip read when the sound’s off. Darkroom and Lightroom experience vital, especially the latter in the former, as we don’t want to see you. In fact we won’t be around at all. Gimp experience necessary, must be good with masks and magnetic lassos. Must be a multimedia genius – eating, sleeping, drinking only occasionally. Must have own BMW, not bought by self. Liking microphones an advantage, extra long arms helpful. Ability to shout “ACTION” not needed. Must have own full suite of hardware things that ping, but not when we are asleep. Must be fully conversant with reading and deleting comments, formatting posts, and copying down and re-reformatting what us bigwigs have noted down on napkins, wiped our noses on, then passed to you. Important…must be able to make tea quickly and without spilling. In the dark. The last person who SPILT MY TEA never got paid again. Must know first aid and how to administer same to self.
This is virtually a full time job, but we’re really lovely, so it’s worth it.
Legal bit: You will get more out of this than us. Or, to put it another way, this hurts us more than you.
Payment: £1500/month before tax, payable to bigduckcorp Ltd. No cheques, funny money, pounds or bribery.
Discussion (11 Comments)
David, you’ve just offered the Intern better condition than we’re on.
ARSE!
I’ll consider it.
Can I pay you in SNOW?
Ooohh…snow….that sounds like a solid long term investment.
Or was that ice?
Probably a no, sorry.
Anyway, you don’t have a Bimmerrrr.
Dear duck,
Methinks you misunderstand. The intern will be paying us. Well, bigduckcorp Ltd, our off shore subsidiary
company. Weren’t you there at the meeting? I’m sure that was you in the corner.
It is a shame I didn’t hear about this internship before; I would have applied for it. I even have extra long arms, night vision and my own BMW!
Unfortunately I have already been accepted by the great James Nachtwey!!!
I’ll give you £2000 a month, even more snow than you can handle and all the rights to my pictures of weeping third world children. I’m really great with HDR too, and I’ve read everything that Chase Jarvis has written. Will we be going to a war zone? I need to bulk out my portfolio, cos right now mostly I have some shots of my aunt’s wedding, which are mainly in a photojournalist style. In HDR.
Not a bad offer Craig … do any of the kids have AIDS, lack limbs (preferably from a land mine), are child prostitutes or are dead? … we need something like to give us the edge and prove just how harcore we are and besides we don’t want to shoot the same work as any old photog.
Oooooh…HDR…now you’re talking. HDR snow…brilliant. Love your work, mwah.
I heard that your aunt’s wedding was pretty hardcore…much blood?
Gotta have!!! Trade my Skull & Bones membership- straight up! A lifetime of contacts (and reduced fare rates on all connecting flights).
Have you a monocle Stan?
Right next to my ascot and spats…