Death cruise workshop, limited places.
Written by David WhiteYEEEEAAAHHH-HAAAAHHH!!!
This is gonna be a good one. duckrabbit have hired a small (130000 tonnes) oil tanker, and we intend to float it around the coast of Somalia for a month this summer, taking in the sights, sunbathing on deck, and waiting to get kidnapped, shot and raped. Should make for some magical pictures.
This is quite an expensive workshop, but you will get room on the deck for your tent and white flag, some crap food, and a free scarf. We have also managed to negotiate a deal with BP whereby whatever oil we have left at the end of the trip, we keep, so in theory the whole trip could pay for itself..although tbh, there’s not much chance of any of us coming back. YEEEEAAAHHH-HAAAHHH. We will be shouting that quite a lot, as well as screaming.
My boss wants to know what we’re charging for this prestigious workshop, led by Norman Moron. I told him you can’t put a price on such an education, so it’ll be £10k each. Hope to see you soon.
Just in case we get fully booked a bit sharpish like (quite possible with only 300 places), there are other tasteless options.
VIVA!!
UPDATE: Norman has been getting some rather vitriolic emails telling him what a tosser he is for running the above. Even though he really doesn’t care what anyone thinks, he has decided that half of all monies collected will now go back to the local community. He says he knows an orphanage nearby that could really do with the cash. Good work Norm, back on track.
Discussion (16 Comments)
10K? Can I pay with a Kidney?
What do you mean? You’re driving the bloody ship.
Sign me up. Either on that course or the “John Terry Legal Team” one.
Good work Will..I knew we could count on you 😉
John Terry himself will be on the course come summer, you could have a chat to him then.
i think you should ask the Somalians to pay you.
after all, you are doing them a favour
I regret my participation in this initial reaction to this..lol
King of the world! Is there a wet bar? Or will our Somali hosts provide that? And are we free to convert them?
Only go if I can pretend to be a pirate myself, and have a wicked t-shirt.
Will get the nautical tattoo before we sail. AAAAAAR ME HEARTEYS!
Daniel, I’m a bit worried you don’t seem to be taking this very seriously?
yes Daniel…I don’t think we want your sort on this death cruise. You could bring the whole thing into disrepute.
10K? Only if you hire Daniel as Cruise Director!
what about if i wear a scarf and pretend to be a hardened war shooter and make a cool name to use?
i’m only coming if everyone agrees to wear protective leather gloves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjiC5YvgWzI
Question. I’m a Baptist will I get to traffic children?
OOOhhh…contentious…:)
yeah, why not.
Tempting offer, 10k’s a steal. Unfortunately I’ll be too busy running my own workshop, a tour – I mean a documentary photography workshop – in the inner city slums of Nottingham, Britain’s hardest city. Voted Gun Crime Capital of the World (I need to check this) in 2003, Nottingham is where the industry’s elite cut their teeth. The only reason Don McCullin went to Bradford is that he was too scared to go to Nottingham.
This tour – I mean workshop – will offer YOU the opportunity to come face to face with real poverty and risk, that’s right, D*A*N*G*E*R which is what war photography is all about. As such, it’s up to you to arrange your own life insurance, body armour, and embed with coalition troops. You will also need to bring your own food, water and camera. Please ensure that you are completely familiar with all your camera’s functions, especially the one that can identify faces and eliminate red-eye. You will need at least a compact camera or preferably a bridge camera, so leave your iPhone at home. We are going to be creating Hard Hitting images which make A Difference, and above all I will be guiding you through the ethics of documentary photojournalism. When is it appropriate to form a disorderly scrum around a starving person who’s lost everything they own? You don’t know, do you? Well, my tour – workshop – will help you to find out.
A percentage of all profits will be donated to the Nottingham in Bloom, so you know I’m legit.